HumpDay Quickie #133

Posted: April 5, 2017 in Hump-Day Quickies
Tags: , , , ,

Man Toes

by Rebekah Postupak

“You have man toes!” he said.

I don’t think he’d meant it to come out quite like that; his words tumbled to the ground between us with vaguely disappointed surprise, like the face of someone who’s just been shot.

“So do you,” I said.

“But—”

“Also, yours smell bad,” I said, “while mine currently smell like rose petals.”

He didn’t say anything, just kept staring at my toes, which I’d been wriggling enthusiastically in the Jamaican sand. Thirty-five dollars I’d spent on them, my first pedicure, and I fully intended to get my selfie money’s worth. My toes alone in sand, my toes in the sand with Caribbean waves lapping nearby, my toes and his toes wriggling in sand together framed by a “We’re Not Missing You At All” meme.

After a minute or two, though, he got up and wandered off in the direction of the bar, leaving me alone with my toes and Hercule Poirot, who was just launching into a speech about the underappreciated state of fine mustaches and who, were he here, would have made heavily accented disapproving noises in my new husband’s direction and ordered me another pina colada.

In honor of Poirot, I’d drunk three pina coladas and finished an entire Tropical Appetizer Platter for Two before my husband finally wandered back.

He said, “Dinner’s in an hour. You going?” even though we’d made our reservations for the Honeymoon Table (including the optional violin serenade) only that morning.

“We’ve got the Honeymoon Table! I wouldn’t miss it.”

“Oh.” He stood there for a while not looking at anything in particular. And then: “It’s probably going to be crowded.”

“No doubt,” I said, “which is why we reserved the Honeymoon Table.”

“I don’t know what to wear.”

“It’s black tie. You should wear a black tie, I’d guess.”

He fidgeted. “What are you going to wear?”

“My slinky red dress.”

“I mean, what shoes?”

“The matching red sandals.”

“Oh,” he said, turning to face the sea. The setting sun stretched his shadow long and dark across me, across my toes, across one day down, and thousands, so many thousands to go.

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