HumpDay Quickie #37

Posted: October 1, 2014 in Hump-Day Quickies
Tags: , , , ,

Getting Changed

by Jacki Donnellan


So many stares.

Yeah, go ahead, I think. Feast your eyes. And I’ll let them, for a while.

And then I’ll hit out, smacking their stares straight back into their faces with my ultimate weapon: a stare. Works every time. Their eyes dart away like frightened rabbits, and start reading the ads above the windows like they’re novels.

And then, of course, there’s the hidden cameras. The phones discretely angled towards me; the subtle finger- taps on their screens. I must’ve been paraded around the ether at least a hundred times.

On a really good day, it’s amusing. Something to break up the stretch from Baker Street to Waterloo.

But on a bad day, I’d like to rip their eyes right out of their heads.

Or just rip the brains out of mine.

“You just have to learn to ignore it,” someone will tell me, at my Group. “Let them stare.”

“It’s often like that to begin with, I’m afraid,” someone else will say. “It’s an uphill struggle. One step at a time.”

I stare.

Every day.

I stare, at the person in the mirror. And I’m shocked. Every time.

Sometimes I think that if I stare hard enough, the person in the mirror will transform before my very eyes, and turn all by itself into the person inside my head.

It’s an uphill struggle. But I’ve started the climb.

I’m running late. Getting changed in the morning takes so much more time than just getting dressed. My high heels clip hastily down the tube platform, towards the escalators to the street.

“Excuse me, love,” says a voice behind me, “you dropped something.”

I turn around, to see a woman holding something small and golden towards me.

My lipstick.

“It fell out of your pocket,” the woman says, handing it to me. “You should keep it in your handbag.”

She smiles pleasantly. And without staring, without even a second glance, she goes on her way.

For a moment I just stare. And then I yell out after her. “Thank-you!”

Everyone stares.

Still so very many stares.

But that will change.

I step onto the escalator, and slowly, I ascend.


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