HumpDay Quickie #32

Posted: August 27, 2014 in Hump-Day Quickies
Tags: , , ,

One Of Those Affairs

by Karl A. Russell

It was a very New York wedding; Chihuahuas in Tex-Mex drag as page boys, a string quartet playing novelty pop and a groom dressed like something from Star Trek.

I walked the perimeter that separated the random crazies in the park from the random crazies on the guest list, planning possible escapes. I counted six exit points which I could hit with a minimum of violence and a zero body count, then headed to the party tent to wait.

It was cooler inside, one customer at the bar, swaying slightly on her stool. Late thirties, eyes like chipped blue diamonds, framed by a neat red-black bob. I took the stool beside hers, threw out a smile and got one back in return. Her wine glass was empty and I figured she’d already had plenty, but for the chance of one more smile, I bought her another. It was even more stunning this time. She nodded towards the music.

“That’s poop.”

I shrugged.

“Sounds like the Flying Purple People Eater.”

“It’s shite. Sorry…”

“No worries; not a fan myself. Are you with the bride or the groom?”

She took a sip of her wine, smiled again, pale blue eyes flashing.

“Nowadays? Neither. Once? Either. Sorry… Again…”

“Really, it doesn’t bother me.”


“A man is so much more than his work. Here.”

I passed her a card, my real number. She pocketted it, one sculpted eyebrow raised in amused curiosity. I grinned, signalled the barman for two more drinks. The string quartet launched “Yellow Polka Dot Bikini” and I knew that the bride had arrived.

I sighed, tipped Blue Eyes a wink, then headed out. I dropped the pill into the whiskey, passed it to the bride’s father then watched him sip it as I took my place at the altar. In ten minutes he’d be dead, in twenty, I’d be two mil richer, and tonight I’d have a call from Blue Eyes too.

First though, I had to finish the job. Opening my bible, I smiled at the crowd, tried not to laugh at the bride’s Bowie make up, and began;

“Dearly beloved…”

Like I said, one of those affairs…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s